Sunday, January 30, 2011

Secrets of an Author Photo

I've told a couple people this story face to face, but never actually typed it out. I don't know if it'll be as funny, but here we go...

If you are offended by mentions of male genitalia, press your back button now.

I’m not what you’d call a photogenic person. It takes over 100 shots to find one picture where I don’t look like I’m staring into the sun while someone simultaneously stomps on my foot. Luckily, my father knows his way around a camera pretty well and agreed take my author photo for free due to the whole “being his daughter” thing.

I knew exactly where I wanted to go for the photo shoot. The town I grew up in has this big pond and a wooded park area. There’s a long bridge crossing the pond and—in my memories, at least—the end of the bridge had this cool, gothic looking arch. So, we headed there.

Present day didn’t quite match up with my memories as the cool arch was peeling and partially disintegrated. No problem…it actually looked even better this way. Instead of doing a full shot in front of the arch, we’d do a close-up head shot with the crumbling wall behind me. Gritty, urban feel. Like it.

Then, we got closer, and there was a problem.

Have you seen the movie "Superbad"? A character in that film has an obsessive disorder where he compulsively draws penises. Apparently someone with that same disease lives in my hometown.

Yes, there were graffiti weenies on my precious wall.

Dad said, “It’s okay, we’ll do it anyway.”

I said, “Dad! I’m a YA author! I can’t have a DONG in my author photo!”

But, we made it work. We moved over to the edge of the wall where there was no prominent pecker. The original plan was to have only the wall behind me, but now we additionally had some bright green foliage that added some color to the background. It actually turned out better that way. So, thank you, trouser snake obsessed graffiti artist.

And I’ll share a secret with you, blog readers.

When you open a copy of CLARITY and check out my author photo on the inside back flap...look in the upper left-hand corner of the picture and you’ll see a black, curved swipe.

Yes, folks, that is the bottom of an artist's rendering of a testicle.

Now you know. My author photo secret. :)


  1. AHAHAHA. Best author photo of the year, I'm voting YOU!

  2. Hi Kim :)
    I'm still chuckling.
    That's a great author photo story (& I loved the euphemisms).
    All the best,

  3. that was HILARIOUS! i was going to buy your book anyway.... but i am definitely going to buy it now... you know, just for the author photo. :)

  4. Haha,this is one of the best stories ever! Whenever I look at that photo, I will be staring at that black, curved swipe of a testicle and think of the guy from Superbad. I can imagine some dude just running around with his marker or pencil and just drawing penises everywhere.

  5. LOL! Awesome story. My eyes are now drawn directly to that corner and I know that when I get the book and open it, they'll be directly drawn to it again!

  6. LOL that's a great story :)

  7. Yes, this is funny even when you type it. Thanks for sharing with us!

  8. That....that is awesome. You probably have the best author photo story ever.

  9. I've wanted to share this story for so long. Glad it got you all laughing! :D

  10. Ha! So funny great picture too:)

  11. Your picture came out great...even with the, um...partial testicle. :P
    Great story. (Great book, too!!)

  12. LOL! That is a great story. You told it in such a funny way. I can picture the whole thing :P

  13. OH! You made my morning with this! Reminds me of my teaching days when we would find endless drawings of dicks and balls in our textbooks. (Usually courtesy of the freshman boys.) Fabulous story!

  14. I love that you said Dong!

  15. Thats hilarious! Great story Kim!

  16. Funny story.

    I'm the same. I need to take a ton of shots until I see one I like.