Monday, November 08, 2010

In Which I Torture My Mother

So my mom has a thing for giraffes lately. (Don't ask.) She bought a ceramic giraffe on vacation and recently bought a little stuffed giraffe that she adores. A couple weeks ago, my parents came to visit and she--for some reason--brought her new, beloved giraffe to show us. Then...she accidentally left it here.

The phone rang later that night and it was Mom telling me that she'd left her giraffe behind and asking me to take good care of it until the next time we see each other. I assured her I would, hung up, and passed the message on to my husband and son.

Then, because I'm slightly sick in the head, I said, "What if we take a bunch of pictures of us not taking very good care of the giraffe and email them to her one day at a time?" We all liked that idea.

So every day I've been emailing my mother a picture of her giraffe with one line. Some examples:

We're taking good care of your giraffe, Mom!

The giraffe shouldn't have played in the driveway.

Giraffe...it's what's for dinner.

Send chocolate or the giraffe gets it.


You get the gist. The responses are even funnier. Emailed replies in all caps saying: LEAVE MY GIRAFFE ALONE! Or phone calls like, "There'd better not be one mark on my precious, lovely giraffe." (My mother's from Ireland so picture that in her lilting accent.)

So we've put the giraffe outside, under my tire, in the oven, in the microwave, held it over the toilet, held a knife to its throat, and my son sat on it. I'll be seeing my parents again in two weeks and will have to return the giraffe. But until then the fun is ON. We're running out of ideas though, so feel free to post some in the comments!

Update: My parents have set a revenge plan in motion which involves a wrapped but unidentified Christmas present being tortured in various ways. The first picture showed the present being run over by my mom on her bike. The second showed the present being slammed in a car door. So...if you think I'm deranged, now at least you know where I got it from. :)

29 comments:

  1. Wow, you really are sick! :) But I love it! Can't think of anything devious that you haven't already done!

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  2. LOL this is the kind of thing I would probably do! How about telling your mom that you're sending it back to her and then take a picture of the giraffe attached to a helium balloon.

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  3. *Laughs out Loud* at your parents getting back at you. I love Lynsey's Helium balloon advice and after your folks did that with the mystery present, I think you should definitely go ahead with the helium balloon pic :)

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  4. *wipes tears from eyes*
    Thank you for making this Monday morning a fun one.

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  5. You're welcome, RK! :)

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  6. That is awesome!

    My friends once held my sunglasses hostage. The set up a fake yahoo account and kept emailing me ransom notes. They even sent me pictures of the sunglasses posing with "Save Me" signs.

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  7. Jennifer - that is hilarious. I really like your friends! ;)

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  8. Duct tape over the eyes, tied to a chair with a ransome note.

    Barb Annino
    www.barbraannino.com
    Author of OPAL FIRE

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  9. This is hilarious! A noose? Did someone mention a noose? It could hang from a light fixture or something...

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  10. OMG this is too funny!

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  11. Good ideas, Barb & Elana!

    Thanks, Michelle!

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  12. Actually, I thought of a noose, too...but having a noose around its neck and tying little nooses around each of its other feet (like you're about to "draw and quarter" the giraffe).

    I guess that's be "draw and fifth"?

    ;-)

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  13. Best. Post. Ever. You've got to show the Giraffe gobbling some prescription drugs. It's how all the starlets do it.

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  14. You guys are even sicker than me!

    This is awesome. :)

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  15. This is hilarious! You and your parents are a little deranged, but in the best way possible.

    You could stick the giraffe under the vacuum cleaner - make it look like he's about to be sucked up. Or do something involving a bathtub full of water. I've never tortured stuffed animals, so that's all I've got.

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  16. HILARIOUS.

    Nothing too brilliant to add but um, maybe the giraffe could get hitched?

    Giraffe "met someone" from Peru 2 days (a very short courtship, indeed) and unfortunately won't be coming back and no, he's not after her for her money and everyone just needs to respect their love/happiness, okay!

    And, of course, you chasing after the garbage truck. Giraffe may/may not be inside.

    A visit to the toy store shortly thereafter--time to find a replacement giraffe?

    Heheheh.

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  17. My parents did this with a lawn ornament of a neighbors. Only they stole it out of their yard dressed it up & took it on vacation with them. Took pictures of it every where and then started to email them to them when they got back. Eventually the ornament was returned to the doorstep with its suitcase & a photo album of his adventures.

    And on a HS trip to Spain a group of us stole this sugar bear of a friends - that he was taking random Traveling Gnome type pics with. We left clues and ransom notes throughout the hotel. Ah good times.

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  18. These comments have taught me that I am not deranged. Either that or I just hang online with equally deranged people. :)

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  19. I think that little fellow wants to go bungie jumping

    (I HEART your family!)

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  20. Make it into giraffe toilet paper?

    http://tinyurl.com/2e3qwlb

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  21. Lol. I can't think of any inanimate object that would make me ill if threatened. Maybe my laptop.

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  22. Haha, that's hilarious!
    Can't wait for your book Clarity to come out. If you ever go on tour I'm coming to the book signing which won't be far because I live is MA too. :)

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  23. I will definitely be doing signings in MA, Ezmirelda. Stay tuned! :)

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  24. Oh my the poor giraffe! Ha that is hilarious!

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  25. this is too funny. I have a slightly dysfunctional family as well :)

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  26. OMG Kim!! I cannot believe you did that! He saw me reading your post and now he won't talk to me. (>_>) http://twitpic.com/3a91ax/full

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  27. Mithee - I can't tell what the pic is???

    I'm glad you guys enjoyed this! My parents have the giraffe back now. It was fun while it lasted. LOL. :D

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